Looks like I can explore this here: It’s not really procrastination as much as it’s being an adult and getting easily exhausted. YouTube is easy to turn on. Instagram at your fingertips. And are you really ready to think? About anything? Absolutely not!
So it’s exhaustion. I procrastinated when I was kid. I didn’t want to do a chore or anything resembling work, so I found something prettier and shinier to do. I wasn’t beaten down by the world or fighting to stay positive; just petulant. XD
I pray for that sort of airy indifference now. These days, I’m pitifully aware of what I’m not doing, and no one is going to run into my room, yelling at me to finish my work or else! The “or else” is my own disappointment. Which is the worst. If someone else would be disappointed when I don’t produce, I’d probably produce. Sooner than later. But it’s just me, and Me isn’t a personal trainer or coach, won’t clap in my face saying “You can do it!” and be the support I absolutely need. Nope. Me sits next to me on the couch, hands me potato chips and then while I’m scrolling through Netflix, says, “So you aren’t doing anything you’re supposed to today?” Like bish! You brought me the chips!
It just means I have to search for another Me, a more supportive Me, a Me that doesn’t judge but still encourages action. She just won’t hold me to an unrealistic standard, but congratulate me for my efforts. I love her congratulations. It feels good and she’s all, “But aren’t you happy you did that?” I am, Me! Thank you, Me. So how does one find the support system within themselves?
Therapy.
But that’s the most obvious way. It involves wants and wills. You have to want to get out of the destructive hole you fell into. You have to want you to succeed. You have to want better for yourself, and I mean truly want it. Then you have to find the will to do, the will to create, the will to write, the will to fight against the ever looming self-hatred and imposter syndrome that throws rocks at your window every time you gain the courage to smile.
All this is difficult and will take time and you’ll hate yourself more the longer it takes, but it’s surgery and recovery and rehabilitation. There’s no quick fix to being an adult who wants to do what we want to do. It’s hard and frustrating and debilitating and on some level you have to be okay with that to then press on, face it, smile, finish.
So I guess I should jump off my digital soapbox and get to work…
SJ Wrytes 